The Real You
The real you is not a puppet which life pushes around;
The real, deep down you is the whole universe.
The real you is not a puppet which life pushes around;
The real, deep down you is the whole universe.
There are lots of reason why people fail to lose weight or achieve their ambitions. But the saddest reason of all is that they never really get started.
So to help, here are three tricks to getting started, or if you like, getting unstuck that can be applied to pretty well any goal or resolution.
Sometimes, we can get so bogged down in the details of an ambition that taking action gets delayed. Or worse: Neglected altogether!
This is partially because no plan is every really perfect (although we expect it should be), and partially because even if we did find what we believed to be the “perfect plan” we would still have to implement it. And the truth is, if actually doing that were easy we’d have done it by now.
It’s probably safe to say that most people who need to lose weight have an eating patterns they are reluctant to give up. For them, over eating has become a reliable way to meet their short-term need for comfort or pleasure; but it directly challenges any goal they might have for long-term health and well being. Hence the struggle most people have making a change.
But once we actually do manage to identify the habits that are standing in our way, something powerful happens. We finally have a choice to do something new instead of allowing an old habit to take us where we don’t want to go. And as long as we agree to support our own efforts– to get and stay committed and intelligent in our ways, it’s only a matter of time before we see the results we are after.
Another reason we can get stuck in preparation is that weirdly enough, sometimes we will settle for a mere understanding of how we’re going to do it. It’s as if knowing releases the pressure off of actually doing it.
You definitely DON’T want to get stuck anywhere near here, in a tomorrow that never comes, with a goal that never seems important enough to really pursue! And with my help, you won’t.
You see, I’ve personally fallen into ALL of these traps at one time or another, and know firsthand what it’s like to be both earnest AND ineffective. (It’s kind of like trying to move forward with your foot on the accelerator and brake all at once.) I’ve also seen countless people get bogged down in their efforts, and so I am prepared to share candidly all that I have come to know about getting unstuck, starting with what my coach/mentor told me:
If what you want to do is, say, jump off a cliff and, say, into a lake,
You could first study all the available techniques for exactly how to do this,
i.e. compare the speed of running versus high you should jump,and so on…
Or you could just jump. The results are about the same
In a nutshell, the solution to any challenge we have invariably lies in our taking action—and at some point ANY action will do. But without it, change remains a mere idea. And in reality, that just isn’t enough. So isn’t it time to embrace things for real?
Another reason people delay taking action is they secretly believe if they wait long enough somehow someone somewhere will find a way to make it all easier. You know what I mean: some secret herb or psychological intervention that will make somehow change effortless. The problem is, when it comes to weight loss, not only does this kind of magical thinking delay our efforts unduly, but it makes us targets for pretty much every weight loss scam in the industry.
As I am prone to say:
Change would be a heck of a lot easier were it not for our preference for things being easy.
Transforming the way you eat isn’t necessary easy at first. But it will never get easier until you actually get up and do it for for real. Only then does it become an ordinary part day to day behaviour, just like other habits and skills you’ve acquired in the past.
The key seems to be to neither expect change will be easy or difficult. Just be willing to do what’s actually necessary to getting the result you want. And then…
This is kind of a repeat of trick number one, but it’s worth landing on this truth whenever you need to. As the saying goes (although slightly modified):
The best time to start that diet was several years ago.
The second best time is now!
Now is, quite simply, the only time you can ever really get started. So I have three questions for you:
So when it comes to weight loss, my job is to help them stick to a diet and exercise plan that with only minor adjustments, will eventually become a way of life. This makes success not only real from the start, but truly sustainable over time, which, in my books, is what “real” success is all about.
If you’ve ever tried to lose weight and not been successful, chances are that it wasn’t because you didn’t know how to lose weight. You just didn’t— or felt you couldn’t— actually follow whatever diet or exercise program you had chosen or been prescribed. So how can coaching help?
Let me begin by being clear: I am not exactly a nutritional expert, nor do I purport to be. My specialty has more to do with helping people follow a diet and exercise plan than it is to dictate exactly what that plan should be.
I have, however, done my research and compiled what I believe to be the core principles of healthy, sustainable weight loss. I call it “Real Weight Loss” and I share these freely with any of my coaching clients who are interested via the member’s section of my website.
Of course, if you are presently working with a dietician, nutritionist, or naturopathic doctor then I would encourage you to continue doing so. I would consider my role both complementary and supportive to theirs, in the sense that I am more likely to help you deal with food cravings from an emotional eating angle, rather than blood chemistry angle. But seeing as many forms of input and expertise are often necessary, I can help provide the kind of over-arching that helps integrate all this information into a sound action plan.
So in a nutshell, my job as your personal weight loss coach is to first, get you to really do what you set out to do. This is partially about motivation; but more specifically, it’s about clarity and will. It’s about actually doing things to get going so that you’re not just thinking about them. Only by taking action can you finally move beyond the frustration of never getting what you really want to actively living life on your terms.
If that sounds too far fetched for you, how about simply paying a little more respect to your body so that you can more fully show up and express yourself, and in the end, devote yourself to what matters most to you?
THAT’S the freedom I’m interested in! So let’s get started.
Before committing to any serious weight loss initiative however, it’s a good idea to have a good physical with some baseline measurements to clear the way of any obvious medical issues. Although there’s nothing particularly radical about my approach, any transformation as potentially stunning as weight loss needs to be absorbed by body that is basically in good working order.
Once you’re cleared of any medical reason why you can’t commit to some dietary and life-style changes, the next step is to commit to a strategy that works. And there are many to choose from, and chances are, you’re like most people and have a pretty good idea about what it is you should be doing. You simply aren’t doing it. As Tony Robbins explains, only 20% of our success is due to what he calls “mechanics.” The remaining 80% comes down to having a winning psychology that actually allows us to take action and stay the course through to success. And this is where coaching is most helpful, for it involves you getting really clear about why making this change in your diet and lifestyle is an absolute must for you now.
So, yes, I can help provide you with a great meal plan and consult you on the specifics of your life style down to every practical detail imaginable. But even more importantly, I will see that you are equipped with the inner and outer resources to actually follow it and get the kinds of results you truly envision for yourself and deserve.
And so now, what are you waiting for?
As a coach, whenever I talk about change, I tend to envision it as a kind of a three-fold process, starting with getting “clear” about what we want, and then on to getting “committed” to and “going” with some real action.
The only problem with this model is that it’s not exactly as linear as it sounds. For we all know that it’s not enough simply to get clear; we have stay clear, and stay committed to action.
So, at virtually any stage of the process, we need to stay focused on both the changes we wish to achieve as in the future, as an outcome, but also on the changes we are prepared to continually make now, and over time. And in order to do this we need to be fully enrolled in a plan that we trust will take us there. After all, without confidence that the plan we are about to follow will be effective, it will be impossible to make much of an effort.
If we’re 90% convinced, we’ll probably follow through 90% of the time.
But if we’re only 20% convinced, you can guess where our commitment level will be,
Or for how long.
Change almost always comes at a cost to us personally. It could be the cost of a bad habit or comfort ritual we’ve grown accustomed to because it seems to meet our needs, at least on some level. But if we come to see how these habits are truly undermining our goals, we will soon be more motivated to drop them, or at least replace them with something else that is more aligned with our ambitions.
And this, in a nutshell, is what strategic intervention-based coaching is all about. By seeing the true effects of our behavior— or what I sometimes call “getting real”— we can finally drop the illusion that says we can hold onto this pattern and still get the new results we are after.
Now, if this all sounds complicated or heady, don’t worry, it really isn’t. It’s simply about committing to a plan that’s aligned with reality, and that employs strategies that not only work in theory but that are truly workable by ordinary people like you! Even if you have behaved much differently in the past, and for quite some time, once you acknowledge and commit to the changes necessary, then all that’s left to do is to structure that commitment over time, with the kind of encouragement and support that ensures your success. And that’s what coaching is all about, really.
The first step in any change process is to get clear about what it is you want to change and why. This is the first thing I ask coaching clients even before we schedule our first session. Not only does screen those who aren’t really serious about getting help, but it helps develop a functional awareness of the very reality we are seeking to change. For quite simply:
So if we apply this all to, say, the goal of losing weight, it all comes down to getting “real” or honest with yourself. It’s about dropping the story that you’re a somehow a victim of bad genes– or even bad habits over which you have no control– and instead, finally taking responsibility for the changes you wish to bring about.
It’s the same with any change you wish to make, or goal you wish to achieve. To paraphrase Tony Robbins: first you have to see things as they are. Not worse than they are, mind you. But you must be willing to admit what’s true now. And then you need to be able to envision things way better than they are, and really let yourself get excited about what’s possible.
The bigger the dream, the bigger the motivation to achieve it. But you have to really believe it’s possible. If you don’t, you’ll never make much of an effort, and as a result, most certainly fail. Let me explain.
Whenever we are about to do anything, especially something new and challenging, what we believe about our efforts and abilities determines a great deal about our success, not the least of which is whether we will even try to begin with. Our beliefs are like powerful subprograms in our brain that shape all that we see and do in life. And our beliefs become so ubiquitous to our experience that we seldom question them, at least not in any real way.
So “getting real” is not only about getting clear about what you want and how you’re going to achieve it, but it’s also about stepping out of the self doubt or cynicism that causes you to delay your efforts, or compromise your vision in some way. And if there is one thing that is for certain when it comes to weight-loss (or any other health improvement initiative) it is this:
We’ve all heard it said that “diets don’t fail. Dieters do”. The truth is, die DO fail and for a good reasons– deeply personal and compelling reasons, that unfortunately most people trying to lose weight are rarely conscious of. And it’s why the Strategic Intervention approach I take can be so effective. It’s all about expanding a person’s resources to actively choose new behaviours for a new result.
Many of the limiting beliefs that hold us back the most would be rendered ridiculous and quickly dismissed if ever examined consciously. In fact, that, in a nutshell, is what a personal “break-through” in coaching is all about. I mean, to really see a choice is, quite literally, to own the capacity to finally be free to change things –IF we really want to.
Quite simply, only when we see we have a choice, do we really have one. Until then, we’re mostly running on old, well worn patterns. But the more we see, or can be supported to see our power to break pattern and actively behave in new ways, change is not only possible: It’s inevitable! Not only that, we can actually condition new habits that will guide us just as effortlessly as our old ones did, but this time, to a better end, an end we chose consciously.
Now, if all this “conscious choosing” starts to sound a little exhausting, don’t worry. Just trust that whatever awareness you have now is already doing a lot of the work for you. In fact, the more you turn your attention towards awareness itself, the more choice-points you’ll actually see, and the more prepared you’ll actually be to show up and make clear decisions.
It’s not exactly magic, but it ends up being a whole lot easier than holding out for some magical solution to solve a problem that deep down, you know you behaved yourself into. That’s the crucial first step. The next step is simply to commit to a plan of action that can really take you there.